Wednesday, May 27, 2015

We've Turned a Corner

Today officially marks the beginning of my second trimester and I could not be more ecstatic about it!! I had a really rough end to the week last week (a migraine that woke me up in the night vomiting, throwing up 6 times on Friday, a trip to Dr. Grant and his warning that it could mean cranial pressure or a blood clot in my brain...you know. All the good stuff.), but Saturday. Oh, Saturday. I woke up feeling like a real human. It's like the fog lifted and for the first time in about 12 weeks I didn't want to die...huzzah!! I have no idea how long it will last, but it's been 5 days of feeling good and I'm loving every minute of it.

Speaking of feeling human, the babies absolutely look like little people today. I'm kind of in shock. I don't know why I didn't assume that would happen eventually, but for some reason, today I was blown away by their baby-ness. I mean, seriously. Look at them!! They are so super cute today!!


Baby A

Baby A was doing tricks today...obviously I assume he's a boy since he's showing off. In this picture he's standing on his head with his little buns in the air and his legs stretched to the left.


Baby B

So, Baby B was perfect today. I think we can assume she's a girl since she was doing exactly what she was supposed to. The sonographer (WE DIDN'T HAVE ANNIE TODAY!!!!! I nearly had a heart attack when someone else called my name, but turns out Claudette is a dream too. Whew.) kept saying, "oh what a beautiful baby. I can't get over how beautiful this one is. Oh, just perfect." And, I'm gonna have to agree...Claudette's been doing this for 25 years. Who am I to argue?! I mean, have you ever seen a lemon-sized baby sucking her thumb? Because Baby B was getting after her little fist today, and it was the cutest darn thing you ever did see.


Baby C

I'm also placing my bet on C being a girl. At first she was looking right at the camera, but as soon as Claudette wanted a profile picture of her, she turned ever so kindly to give us a perfect look. Good baby. She was also super active today - stretching her teeny tiny arms over her head and kicking those tiny legs. Precious.


Baby D

D is my other guess for boy. I mean, look at him. Also being a little trickster and laying on his face, head butting his sac like it's his job. This little guy started on his head too, but was super active today and turned for us as well...granted it wasn't the way she needed him to, but this is pretty darn cute too.

Babies A and D are right next to each other and were spooning vertically today when we started and B and C are next to each other, spooning horizontally. Clearly they are already buddying up...I hope they know the boss has already been determined, and Jeremiah doesn't plan to give up that title any time soon. They didn't actually measure the babies today, but they did listen to their heartbeats (all normal!) and measure their sacs (again, all normal), and everything looks great. Today was more to start getting measurements on me to determine how I'm doing and if and when I should go on bed rest. And, today I got a clean bill of health! Woot! For now, I can continue with my daily activities (as long as they don't include physical activity or heavy lifting...obviously Dr. Grant doesn't know what a beast I am and how my daily activity usually includes both of those things...or not. Whatever.), which is great news. 

I'll go back in two weeks to find out the genders and then after that I'll start going every week. Here's something fun - my morphology scan at 20 weeks (where they count all the fingers and toes, check for noses, mouths, eyes, etc.) is going to be so long we get a lunch break in the middle!! How fun!! I think I'll take popcorn and a soda for that - 1.5 to 2 hours in the morning and then 1.5 to 2 hours in the afternoon. Poor Annie. I hope she eats her Wheaties that day. That's a long time to be looking at and measuring my babies!! Maybe I'll bring her popcorn and a soda.

Both of my boys are doing really well too. It's stressful to plan for and anticipate four tiny babies coming into our world, but of course Nick is the most amazing person to travel this road with. He's so incredibly supportive and encouraging, keeps me laughing with his amazing baby name suggestions and punishment ideas for when they're naughty someday, and ever-so-gently reminds me to stop eating so I don't throw up (so, I may have gone through a period where I wouldn't be hungry all day and by dinner time I would be starving, so I would eat and eat and eat and then throw alllll of it up. And then cry. Because, what a waste. And also, it's just so gross. Suffice it to say that period is over. I ate first lunch today at 9:30 this morning and then second lunch - Chinese Buffet! - at 12:00. Weirdly the babies seem bigger this afternoon than they did this morning. I'm blaming them and not the two lunches, so just go with it, okay?). Basically Nick is the most amazing human on the planet and I am continually amazed that God chose him to be my husband. I married up, people.

And Jeremiah. Sweet Jeremiah. He's had a tough spring between his allergies trying to kill him (we got in to a specialist and he's basically allergic to the great outdoors) and his mommy being sick all the time, but he is hanging in there like a champ. He is so excited and talks about and to the babies all the time. He always wants to know, "what are the babies saying now?" (like, he asks so often and so frequently that sometimes the babies run out of things to say and have to tell him, "um, we're just sleepy now so we can't talk.") and likes to tickle them and look at the pictures of them. I really hope his enthusiasm for them doesn't diminish before or when they get here, because right now, he is still super pumped and it's adorable.


Daddy made homemade ice cream last night, so naturally we had to eat it outside. And for some reason homeboy needed his shirt off because, "I like the way it feels naked." Oh, that kid. He always has us in stitches. What a hoot.


Thanks for your continued support and enthusiasm for these sweet peas. We are so grateful to have such amazing friends and family along for the journey!!





Thursday, May 14, 2015

This Tummy I've Got...

So, I can't believe I'm posting this picture on the internet as it is NOT flattering even a little bit (it was rainy this morning and I had a super snuggly boy in my bed, and I just couldn't get up in time to actually fix my hair. You understand, right?!) But! As promised...a belly picture. Which, admittedly, just looks like it does when I eat too many chips and salsa the night before, which is a real thing that happened last night, but that's neither here nor there.


There they are. All 9 pounds of them (well, them, and their sacs, and their fluids, and also all of the carbohydrates that I've eaten in the last 10 weeks or so). I'm in that weird stage where nothing really fits (can I just tell you how much I hate pants right now. Who invented pants and why do they hate me?!?), but I don't actually look pregnant yet, so really it's loads of fun to get dressed every day. Maybe don't ask Nick about the fit I threw the other morning where every shirt in my closet came flying out in a flurry of hate and rage, okay?

On a totally different and way more fun note, I should probably clear up why the babies are measuring differently. There is the possibility that the eggs were fertilized a day or two apart, but likely not the five day swing that's between B and C right now. The weeks and days they tell you are more just a gauge of what's "normal." They are all right around 2 inches long from bottom to head, so they are definitely all within the normal range. B is just measuring a bit small for being 12 weeks 0 days (as of yesterday) and C is measuring  just a bit big. But, all four of them are healthy and within the normal range, size-wise.

Also, several people have asked if any of the babies are identical, and the answer to that is we won't know until they get here. If any of them are identical it would mean that one (or two) of the eggs split early enough that they all ended up in their own placenta (which happens if the egg splits within a day or two of fertilization). Because by the time we found out there were four (which was 3 weeks after my procedure), they all already had their own sacs, we won't be able to tell until they get here if they are identical or fraternal. Any babies who are different genders are 100% fraternal with each other (identical means everything is the same, down to their anatomy), but any of them who are the same gender aren't necessarily identical either. Because I had four follicles (what eggs are called before they actually release, which we saw for the last time two days before the procedure), my hunch is that four eggs released and we have four fraternal babies. But, that's just my hunch. I could be way off (I mean, I was the one who was convinced we were just having one baby for those 10 days in the beginning, so what the heck do I know?!). I guess time will tell, but in the meantime, you're welcome for that science lesson I just gave you. :)

Thanks again for all of your love and support. We are so very grateful!!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

12 weeks.

Oh my gosh. You guys. Seriously. I just can't get over how generous and kind and wonderful you've been to us. So many people have reached out with offers of meals and plans for baby showers, and some of the awesome people we serve with in Children's Ministry at our church surprised us with loads of diapers on Sunday. And now my dear friend and college roommate, Amy, has started a "YouCaring" page for us to help offset some of the cost of diapers, formula, the minivan that's in our near future, and the inevitable NICU stay for four tiny babes. So many of you have already shared the site on your Facebook pages and donated to it, and Nick and I are just totally overwhelmed by your kindness and generosity. Truly. I can't thank you enough for your support.

Today we went for our 12 week appointment, and all four babies are still trucking right along! I get so nervous before each appointment and hold my breath until all four babies and their little heart beats are accounted for, so it's always such a huge relief when sweet Annie (seriously, if you ever have four babies in your belly at once, I pray you get an ultrasound tech like Annie. I love her with my whole heart.) tells us all is well. They've grown so much - even Nick is able to identify some of their body parts now! Here's their newest pictures with how they are each measuring:

Baby A
12 weeks and 1 day

Baby B
12 weeks and 3 days

Baby C
11 weeks and 5 days

Baby D
12 weeks and 1 day

All of their heads are on the left, except for Baby A. That little one's head is on the right. They've got all of their arms, hands, legs, feet, spines, noses, etc. Basically, they're killing it at being alive right now, so, good work, babies!!

I am also feeling SO, SO much better. Thank you all so much for praying. I'm down to throwing up just once a day, and also I don't feel like I want to die anymore so, YAY! I'm still exhausted and need a nap every day, but I can handle that. Dr. Grant says that for now there is nothing concerning him about my health, so we've avoided bed rest for at least a couple more weeks. I go back in two weeks to look more closely at how I'm doing and then two weeks after that to find out genders (and then I have to start going every week after that, but we're going to pretend that's not a thing that's happening...at least for now)!

And one more thing to make you smile, because he's the cutest big brother in the whole world:



This is my "I love you because" Mother's Day picture he took at school. That smile...it almost makes up for the part of the morning called "muffins with mom" when he left me at the teeny tiny table alone so he could go play with his best buddy (in his defense he did tell me I could stay and have muffins with the other moms and children, so he's a thoughtful date ditcher at least.).


Monday, May 4, 2015

Oh, right. The babies. And also, why a blog?

First of all, I cannot begin to express our gratitude for the outpouring of love, support, encouragement, prayers, offers of help, etc. that we have received in the last few days. We were already feeling so loved and cared for by our friends and family who already knew about the babies that we didn't know it was possible to feel more loved and cared for. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. You people are the best friends we could have ever asked for, and we can't wait for these babies to get here and meet all of you who already love them so well. Truly, thank you.

Speaking of the babies, I realized after I finished posting the first blog that I am a big, self-centered jerk who only talked about myself and didn't even mention that the babies are doing awesome. Oops. I'm blaming it on the exhaustion, but really I'm just a turd. But, indeed, the babies are doing so well! We get to see them every two weeks (sometimes more!) at this point, and at every appointment they are growing well, measuring appropriately, and their teeny tiny hearts are beating within the normal range. They also have all their little arms and legs, and we've even gotten to see them move! Yay, babies!! They will be 11 weeks on Wednesday, and five weeks after that we can find out how many of each baby we're having. For the 10 days we thought it was just one little guffer we weren't sure we would find out the gender. But then we found out there were four and decided that was enough of a surprise, and we just need to know what we're working with as soon as possible (we agree on exactly one name...for one gender...and that is all. So, we've got some work to do once we know how many of each name we're going to need!). We might even tell you all the names before they get here...as long as you promise not to judge us. If we pick something you hate, maybe just don't tell us? We're under a lot of pressure here, people. But also if you want to craft me something for their nursery with their name on it, who am I to keep you from your dreams (and also, every crafty bone in my body is too weary to do anything creative right now, so I'll take all the help I can get!)?!? Just so you know what the odds are, we looked it up and there's a 6% chance they could be all boys. And a 6% chance that they could be all girls. 12%. A 12% chance that we'll be getting all one or the other. Which doesn't seem like that big of a percent until you remember that there was a less than 1% chance this whole thing would be happening at all. So, I'm not confident we're getting a mixed bag. We shall see in June!

So why a blog? I never thought I would be a blogger...my life was pretty boring up until now and I didn't have much to put on the interwebs about the life and times of the Beydler trio. But, now I need to get on Ellen and the morning news circuit, so I feel like a blog is the only way to make that happen. Surely someone would give me free diapers or something if I got on the Today Show, right? And who doesn't want to meet Ellen? She's the best, and maybe she could give me some formula or a couple of swings? If anyone has connections, I'm calling in favors. And I'll take you with me to dance when we get on her show (Nick says he would go but he's not gonna dance. Which means he's not going.).

The other, more important and serious reason for the blog is that we have a lot of dear friends who are still struggling with infertility and mourning the losses of babies they never got to meet. Having been in their shoes, I don't want to fill up their Facebook feeds with baby updates and pregnancy woes - I know how upsetting that can be in the midst of a hard day. So instead, if you want to tag along on this journey, we'd love to have you join us here. Friends who are still longing for a baby, we love you. We see you, we're with you, and we're praying for you. We still want to be a safe place to cry and lament and be angry. Know that. We are trusting God to fulfill the desires of all of our hearts in the way only He can. We still have a long way to go to get these babies here and don't want to take one day with them for granted, but the reality is that we are still in limbo too. There is a 25% chance we could lose all of these babies, so while it's a very different emotional and physical roller coaster that we're on right now, we are definitely still on this journey with you. Please reach out if there's anything we can do to love and encourage you. We would be honored.

Thanks again, lovely humans. We are so grateful for you.

Saturday, May 2, 2015

So, Things are About to Change...


I've known for 7 weeks that I'm pregnant and for 6 of those weeks that there are four babies making themselves at home in my guts, but I'm still overwhelmed when I look at that picture. After three years of trying to have a baby, a year of working with a fertility specialist, and all the tears (seriously. So many tears. My poor husband...), I just can't even believe there's life in there. Let alone lives.

I'm guessing you have a thousand questions, because Lord knows we did (and still do!), so I tried to answer as many of them as I could below. Feel free to pick the ones you like the best if you don't have six hours to read our story (sorry...this got really long!). Most of these are ones we've heard, so we're getting pretty good at answering them, but if I missed one, feel free to ask - there's pretty much nothing we won't share. This is God's miracle story and we are just humbled (and overwhelmed/terrified) that he is using us to share it.

Um, didn't you know this could happen?

No. Not even a little bit. We didn't do IVF (that's another common question - how many embryos did you implant?! And the answer to that is zero.), but a less invasive procedure called IUI. Basically the doctor gave me medicine to make me ovulate at an exact time and then put Nick's swimmers into my uterus, and then we prayed they found a friend and hung out for a while. The treatment we were on the month we got pregnant had a 25% chance of twins if it was successful. So, twins we were totally prepared for. That's 1 out of 4. Pretty good odds, so we were ready for that. Anything more? Not so much. The chance of triplets was 1% and anything more than that was less than 1%. So, no. We did not anticipate this. As our doctor says, he's not in the business of making litters, and had anything in my bloodwork indicated that this could happen, he wouldn't have done the procedure. Basically, we need to buy a lottery ticket, because we are beating odds left and right here, people.

What was your reaction?

Well, the doctor's first words were, "Oh, God. Oh, God, no." And then I cried and Nick went white. So, it wasn't as exciting as you might imagine. It's not really any fertility doctor's desire to give someone four babies at once and it's really not in the mommy's or the babies' best interest to give birth four at a time. It's actually terrifying and dangerous and the odds of all four of the babies getting here safely and healthily aren't the greatest.

How are you feeling?

To be honest, awful. These babies are kicking my butt. I've been super sick pretty much since week four and have had to have two IVs in the last week and a half to treat the dehydration and vomiting. I have hyperemesis (like the Princess...fancy, right? Probably she and I need to meet so we can be best friends and share stories of how amazing it is to vomit all day long for weeks straight.), and now I've got an infection, but drugs are the best and I am feeling so much better now...huzzah! But if I haven't returned a call, text you in a while, or should have told you this news before I put it on the internet, I am so sorry. I'm having an out of body experience right now and don't know what day it is most of the time.

What does Jeremiah think?

Oh, homeboy is ELATED. Like, beside himself. He's wanted a baby in our house forever and now that he's getting four of them he can barely contain himself. In fact, I've become his party joke - "Hey, do you know what my mommy has in her belly?" "Um, a baby?" " No! FOUR OF THEM!!!" He thinks he's a riot. Which, he totally is. And it's been so good for Nick and I in the moments we feel totally overwhelmed and wonder how we're going to do this. Jeremiah's joy is contagious and it reminds us that these babies are absolutely a gift and are to be celebrated.

Are you going to stay in Mid-Missouri?

For now, that's the plan. Even though we don't have any family here, we feel like staying put is the best choice for the time being. Moving right now seems completely overwhelming to both of us, especially with how lousy I'm feeling. And by the time I'm out of my first trimester and maybe feeling better, it could be a pretty short time before I end up on bedrest. In the meantime, our church family, our co-workers, and our parents have done an amazing job taking care of us and we feel like we can at least do this for a year or two. We hope.

Where will you deliver them?

We see an amazing multiples specialist in Columbia who we could not be more thankful for. Seriously, Dr. Grant is a gift from God. We are so, SO thankful for him. He doesn't deliver babies anymore but will see us through our pregnancy and then one of the doctors who works with him will bring these little guys into the world at either the University Hospital or Boone Hospital. Turns out it will depend on who has room for four babes in their NICU (weird, right?). Either way, we have an amazing team of doctors caring for us and two very well respected hospitals right in our backyard, so we feel good about our options.

Are you still working?

Yes, but I've been grounded to my desk by Dr. Grant. Which is a total bummer this time of year when all of my events are in full swing and about to take place (or just took place). Luckily, I have amazing communities full of lovely people who are so understanding as well as incredible co-workers who are covering for me when I can't physically be there. Truly, I would have had to quit by now if it wasn't for the incredible women I work for who are so gracious with me and allow me to do as much as I can without being angry about what I can't do.

When are you due?

Well, that's a tricky question. Technically, forty weeks would be November 25, but there's no way we'll get there. The goal is 30 weeks, which is September 16 (happy birthday, Aunt Jess!!), so that's what we're praying for.

Oh man. It's 11:00am on a Saturday, and I'm totally exhausted. I need a nap so that's all I've got for now.

Thank you for taking the time to read and for joining us on this incredible journey. We are so blessed to know that in the midst of our fear, we serve a sovereign God who is not surprised by these babies at all. He knit each one of them together, knows each of them by name, and holds their future in His hands. We are so grateful for a community of people who have already rallied around us and are continually reminding us of the Truth that God is in control and we are not alone on this wild ride. We are excited to see how the rest of this story unfolds and can't wait to meet these little ones sometime early this fall!