Hey friends and family,
First of all, I apologize that so many of you should be hearing this from Nick or I firsthand, but we are just overwhelmed and heartbroken and this seemed like the best way to communicate our news to everyone we love and who has been so faithfully praying for us.
Last night around 12:30am, we got a call in our room from the NICU and they asked Nick to come check on Oliver and get an update on him. By the time he got there, they were doing chest compressions and it was only a matter of minutes before our sweet baby was at home with Jesus. We are crushed and heartbroken, but we are so thankful that we know this isn't the end. We take comfort in knowing that sweet Oliver is with the Lord and didn't suffer long before he got his angel wings, but we weep knowing that this is not how it ought to be.
We got to spend the whole night with him and both sets of grandparents were able to come hold him and say goodbye as well. We are so thankful that Jeremiah got to meet all of the babies last night and we have talked with the social worker several times this morning to come up with a plan on how to tell him and help him grieve. We plan to do that this afternoon. After that, they will take Oliver for an autopsy to see if they can identify the cause of his passing. They believe it has to do with his lungs, but because it all happened so quickly, there's no way to know until they can look at him further. We absolutely know they did everything they could to save our baby, so we are at peace with not knowing the ultimate cause of death, but if this will help them be able to save another baby down the line, we will gladly let them take a look.
Thank you for all of the well-wishes and congratulations yesterday. We rejoice that three of our babies are still here and doing well, and praise God that we got to know and love sweet Oliver for the 10 hours we had with him. They were far too short, but we are comforted in knowing we will see him again.
Please continue to pray for us as we navigate funeral arrangements for Oliver while we still want to care for, get to know, and bond with his siblings. Our hearts are heavy, and we are feeling overwhelmed by it all, but we know the God of love and we know that by his grace, we will eventually all be ok.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Monday, August 24, 2015
Update!
Hello everyone! This is Nick, writing on Emily's behalf. I'm sure she'll provide more information soon, but I wanted to give everyone a brief update.
After this morning's ultrasound revealed that Oliver's blood flow was continuing to deteriorate, we made the decision around noon to deliver the babies. Things moved quickly after that. Emily was in surgery shortly by 2 o'clock, and in recovery by 3 o'clock.
The delivery was successful! The babies cooperated and came out in order: we welcomed Mavis and Amos at 2:12, Oliver at 2:13, and Lena at 2:14. Mavis and Amos weighed in at two pounds, Oliver at one-and-a-half pounds, and Lena at one pound.
The doctors were amazing. They were able to intubate all of the babies, and Emily made it through surgery without any complications. We are so grateful for all of the skillful hands that have kept Emily and the babies safe during this journey.
After a couple of hours of recovery, Emily and I were able to go to the NICU to meet the babies. They are beautiful, but tiny! The hospital was so kind to block off a suite of NICU rooms for us, so they are all together. They are all facing the same challenges, namely breathing and staying warm. So far, so good! They are snuggled in warm isolettes and covered with what looks like Saran Wrap to help their skin retain heat, and they have teeny tiny ventilators helping them breathe. Oliver is doing the best of all: he is breathing "room air" through his ventilator, while the others are breathing oxygenated air.
We also were able to introduce the babies to their grandparents. The hospital staff was so gracious to accommodate our troop of people leaning over the isolettes trying to get a better view of our tiny treasures.
I'm going to sign off now, but I want to thank everyone for the warm thoughts and prayers. Emily and I have been so encouraged by all of the support we have received along this journey. We had a lot of peace about the decision to deliver today. We have found that knowing that so many people are praying and hoping for us gives us the courage to keep hoping for the best. We have had nothing but the best possible outcomes, and we are going to keep praying for healing and growth for the babies and their mommy.
Sorry for the dry blog post. Your regularly scheduled programming (Emily) will resume as soon as Emily is off the morphine.
After this morning's ultrasound revealed that Oliver's blood flow was continuing to deteriorate, we made the decision around noon to deliver the babies. Things moved quickly after that. Emily was in surgery shortly by 2 o'clock, and in recovery by 3 o'clock.
The delivery was successful! The babies cooperated and came out in order: we welcomed Mavis and Amos at 2:12, Oliver at 2:13, and Lena at 2:14. Mavis and Amos weighed in at two pounds, Oliver at one-and-a-half pounds, and Lena at one pound.
The doctors were amazing. They were able to intubate all of the babies, and Emily made it through surgery without any complications. We are so grateful for all of the skillful hands that have kept Emily and the babies safe during this journey.
After a couple of hours of recovery, Emily and I were able to go to the NICU to meet the babies. They are beautiful, but tiny! The hospital was so kind to block off a suite of NICU rooms for us, so they are all together. They are all facing the same challenges, namely breathing and staying warm. So far, so good! They are snuggled in warm isolettes and covered with what looks like Saran Wrap to help their skin retain heat, and they have teeny tiny ventilators helping them breathe. Oliver is doing the best of all: he is breathing "room air" through his ventilator, while the others are breathing oxygenated air.
We also were able to introduce the babies to their grandparents. The hospital staff was so gracious to accommodate our troop of people leaning over the isolettes trying to get a better view of our tiny treasures.
I'm going to sign off now, but I want to thank everyone for the warm thoughts and prayers. Emily and I have been so encouraged by all of the support we have received along this journey. We had a lot of peace about the decision to deliver today. We have found that knowing that so many people are praying and hoping for us gives us the courage to keep hoping for the best. We have had nothing but the best possible outcomes, and we are going to keep praying for healing and growth for the babies and their mommy.
Sorry for the dry blog post. Your regularly scheduled programming (Emily) will resume as soon as Emily is off the morphine.
It's Baby Day!
Hello all- this is Emily's sister-in-law Sara standing in for Emily, who is currently being prepped for surgery to deliver the fantastic four! They did another scan this morning, and there was some deterioration in Oliver's blood flow from Friday. The doctors are just not confident of their ability to be able to monitor his condition, since they can't use a fetal monitor because he has so much company in there. So, they felt it was best to deliver all the babies to ensure that he is getting all the nutrition and oxygen he needs. (Emily is sure Oliver is going to be the child who is very focused on things being fair and not being overlooked... he couldn't stand Lena getting all the attention so he is causing a stir!
So- write it down, August 24th will the be birthday of the Beydler quads! Nick is en route to Columbia and the team is being assembled. Pray for the doctors and nurses (nearly 40 of them who will be involved in this delivery), for Emily and Nick and for the babies.
We will keep you all updated as we get more information!
So- write it down, August 24th will the be birthday of the Beydler quads! Nick is en route to Columbia and the team is being assembled. Pray for the doctors and nurses (nearly 40 of them who will be involved in this delivery), for Emily and Nick and for the babies.
We will keep you all updated as we get more information!
Sunday, August 23, 2015
No Babies Yet!
To say the last few days have been a whirlwind would be an understatement. In fact, Mavis and I have similar feelings about how the two little babies have been behaving:
This is a picture of her from Friday's scan, with her little hand on her forehead as if to say, "hey! Babies! Pull your stuff together! Enough of your antics. Either we're in or we're out. Got it?!" I could not agree more, kiddo. I was looking back at blog post titles for the last few weeks, and it's a very consistent roller coaster of "Best day! Worst day. Great news! Bad news," and if it weren't so scary, it might almost be comical. Almost. :)
But, as it stands, here we are, two days further along in our pregnancy than we thought we might be, and we are so grateful! I'm so sorry that I didn't get a blog post updated, but hopefully most of you saw on Facebook that we did NOT have to deliver the babies on Friday. Nick and I are totally at peace with delivering them as soon as one (or more) of them would fare better on the outside than they are able to on the inside, so we actually went into Friday's appointment really calm and ready for whatever God had for us. What we were not anticipating is that Oliver was actually doing BETTER than he was on Wednesday!! The doctors were in shock...they were prepared for his blood flow to be worse, would have been pleased with doing the same, but were not expecting better. At all. That's just not a thing that medically should have happened (but then again, look at Lena. She's been proving science wrong for 6.5 weeks now, so clearly Oliver couldn't be outdone by her.). We are elated, of course, but also totally exhausted!! These babies are keeping us on our toes for sure!!
So the plan from here on out (at least as I understand it) is that we will do another scan tomorrow, and then a couple days after that, until it's obvious that it's time to deliver. I think how close together the scans are will depend on how both Oliver and Lena's blood flows are looking. If we see what we saw on Friday, they probably will keep the scans a couple of days apart. But, if either of them are on the bubble, we will do them every day until it's time to deliver. And then there's also the possibility that Amos or Mavis could start to struggle too, so we can't rule that out either. I asked why it is that Oliver might just now be experiencing some trouble and they told me that my uterus is probably just getting tired. What?! Nonsense. Everyone knows that sustaining four tiny lives is exactly what a uterus is designed to do. Or it's not. Whatever. :) Even if it's not exactly what my guts were designed to do (or at least certainly not what I wanted them to do...believe it or not, we didn't actually plan for or try for four babies at once, although that is a really common question we get asked!), we are so in awe of the miracle God is working in my belly and can't believe that we are still pregnant. Nick and I were looking back at this whole crazy ride, and the fact that we are still pregnant, with all four babies, is nothing short of God's incredible power working in our lives. I went on bed rest with contractions at 16 weeks, had to have a cerclage because my cervix was so thin at 19 weeks, found out Lena was struggling at 20 weeks, was admitted to the hospital because it looked as though we were going to lose her at 23 weeks, and yet here we are, at 26.5 weeks, still pregnant. It's completely unbelievable and every single day we can keep them inside is such a gift.
Several of you have asked if I'm bored or going crazy at the hospital, and I'll be honest, I've had my moments. There have definitely been a couple of days were I was grumpy and ready to be home, but honestly, I cannot complain. I just can't. How could I possibly be upset when every day that we are here is one more day that these babies get to grow and have a better chance at survival outside of the womb? Don't get me wrong...I miss my boys terribly and I'll be more than ready to be home when the time comes (I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss Target!), but this is temporary. And the chance at a healthier life each day in this bed is buying my babies for a lifetime outside of the womb is absolutely worth it. For that reason alone, I really have no other choice but to praise the One who both created and is sustaining these tiny little humans.
And as if that's not enough cause for celebration, I'm also never lonely. If friends and family aren't visiting me, someone from my church's hospital visitation team is. And if it's not someone from church, it's a nurse just coming to say hi or the nurse manager checking in on me, or a NICU nurse coming to see how we're doing and update us on what's going on downstairs in the way of quad pod preparation (we get our own pod!! Wild, right?!?). Or, on a very special occasion, your doctor's wife is here for a check up on her own growing baby bump and you get to meet her and hold her hostage in your room for three hours because you like her so much and don't want her to leave. I mean, I've heard that's a thing that can happen. I wouldn't know. Just hospital gossip. :) Basically, the staff here are rock stars and we even occasionally have parties to celebrate things like being 26 weeks pregnant (when the most delicious cookie company in Columbia delivers, you can pretty much party anywhere, hospitals included) or we paint nails, or we trim bangs that are long overdue for it because the people who work here are nothing short of incredible and they see a need and they meet it. Even if it's not actually in their job description. Truly, they are the hands and feet of Jesus and not just in the way they are taking care of us physically, but also emotionally.
And if all of that doesn't help you to not feel sorry for me, check out my awesome weekend visitor:
This is a picture of her from Friday's scan, with her little hand on her forehead as if to say, "hey! Babies! Pull your stuff together! Enough of your antics. Either we're in or we're out. Got it?!" I could not agree more, kiddo. I was looking back at blog post titles for the last few weeks, and it's a very consistent roller coaster of "Best day! Worst day. Great news! Bad news," and if it weren't so scary, it might almost be comical. Almost. :)
But, as it stands, here we are, two days further along in our pregnancy than we thought we might be, and we are so grateful! I'm so sorry that I didn't get a blog post updated, but hopefully most of you saw on Facebook that we did NOT have to deliver the babies on Friday. Nick and I are totally at peace with delivering them as soon as one (or more) of them would fare better on the outside than they are able to on the inside, so we actually went into Friday's appointment really calm and ready for whatever God had for us. What we were not anticipating is that Oliver was actually doing BETTER than he was on Wednesday!! The doctors were in shock...they were prepared for his blood flow to be worse, would have been pleased with doing the same, but were not expecting better. At all. That's just not a thing that medically should have happened (but then again, look at Lena. She's been proving science wrong for 6.5 weeks now, so clearly Oliver couldn't be outdone by her.). We are elated, of course, but also totally exhausted!! These babies are keeping us on our toes for sure!!
So the plan from here on out (at least as I understand it) is that we will do another scan tomorrow, and then a couple days after that, until it's obvious that it's time to deliver. I think how close together the scans are will depend on how both Oliver and Lena's blood flows are looking. If we see what we saw on Friday, they probably will keep the scans a couple of days apart. But, if either of them are on the bubble, we will do them every day until it's time to deliver. And then there's also the possibility that Amos or Mavis could start to struggle too, so we can't rule that out either. I asked why it is that Oliver might just now be experiencing some trouble and they told me that my uterus is probably just getting tired. What?! Nonsense. Everyone knows that sustaining four tiny lives is exactly what a uterus is designed to do. Or it's not. Whatever. :) Even if it's not exactly what my guts were designed to do (or at least certainly not what I wanted them to do...believe it or not, we didn't actually plan for or try for four babies at once, although that is a really common question we get asked!), we are so in awe of the miracle God is working in my belly and can't believe that we are still pregnant. Nick and I were looking back at this whole crazy ride, and the fact that we are still pregnant, with all four babies, is nothing short of God's incredible power working in our lives. I went on bed rest with contractions at 16 weeks, had to have a cerclage because my cervix was so thin at 19 weeks, found out Lena was struggling at 20 weeks, was admitted to the hospital because it looked as though we were going to lose her at 23 weeks, and yet here we are, at 26.5 weeks, still pregnant. It's completely unbelievable and every single day we can keep them inside is such a gift.
Several of you have asked if I'm bored or going crazy at the hospital, and I'll be honest, I've had my moments. There have definitely been a couple of days were I was grumpy and ready to be home, but honestly, I cannot complain. I just can't. How could I possibly be upset when every day that we are here is one more day that these babies get to grow and have a better chance at survival outside of the womb? Don't get me wrong...I miss my boys terribly and I'll be more than ready to be home when the time comes (I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss Target!), but this is temporary. And the chance at a healthier life each day in this bed is buying my babies for a lifetime outside of the womb is absolutely worth it. For that reason alone, I really have no other choice but to praise the One who both created and is sustaining these tiny little humans.
And as if that's not enough cause for celebration, I'm also never lonely. If friends and family aren't visiting me, someone from my church's hospital visitation team is. And if it's not someone from church, it's a nurse just coming to say hi or the nurse manager checking in on me, or a NICU nurse coming to see how we're doing and update us on what's going on downstairs in the way of quad pod preparation (we get our own pod!! Wild, right?!?). Or, on a very special occasion, your doctor's wife is here for a check up on her own growing baby bump and you get to meet her and hold her hostage in your room for three hours because you like her so much and don't want her to leave. I mean, I've heard that's a thing that can happen. I wouldn't know. Just hospital gossip. :) Basically, the staff here are rock stars and we even occasionally have parties to celebrate things like being 26 weeks pregnant (when the most delicious cookie company in Columbia delivers, you can pretty much party anywhere, hospitals included) or we paint nails, or we trim bangs that are long overdue for it because the people who work here are nothing short of incredible and they see a need and they meet it. Even if it's not actually in their job description. Truly, they are the hands and feet of Jesus and not just in the way they are taking care of us physically, but also emotionally.
And if all of that doesn't help you to not feel sorry for me, check out my awesome weekend visitor:
After church on Sunday mornings, Nick has been taking Jeremiah to the park to play for a bit and then they come spend some time with me, and we eat lunch and play some wild rounds of Go Fish. Obviously Sundays are the best days when this face comes to say hi for an extended period of time (he usually comes up one or two other times a week, but Sundays have turned into our special days).
And last Sunday he happened to be here when the doctors came to do their daily sonogram check up on the babies, and he could not have loved it more. Although he was super bossy with Dr. Whaley (who was incredibly patient with him!) and kept telling her, "um, is that Lena? We need to see Lena. She's our small baby. Can we look at her now. Please?" And then the moment we saw Lena he was like, "great! Back to Oliver. I want to see him again. What's he doing now?" At one point a baby kicked me and I said, "the babies can hear you, buddy. One of them just kicked me, and I think they are saying, 'hi, big brother!!'" And he said, "hey! Don't look at me, babies! I'm not the one who put all that jelly on you!" Oh, funny boy. You make all the things better.
Thank you, thank you, THANK you for the continued outpouring of love and encouragement. We are just blown away by the support we are receiving, and though we will never be able to thank you all properly, please know that these sweet babies are a testimony to the power of prayer and the grace of an amazing Creator who loves them more than we ever could. Thank you for loving them enough to pray for them so faithfully and also for rallying around our family when we most desperately need it. We are blessed.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
A Quick Update
Thank you all so much for the outpouring of love and support in light of our newest development with the babies. We did get to speak with Dr. Pardalos last night (the neonatologist from the NICU) and he was so kind and caring, but essentially had the same thing to say as Dr. Jackson - there is no medical right or wrong decision right now. The good news is that he does feel confident that at Lena's size, he could intubate her, which would at least give her a fighting chance. Sadly, the reality is that none of our babies are even 2 lbs yet, and we would be risking lives if we delivered them and we would be risking lives if we left them in utero. And depending on what we find on our scan tomorrow, particularly with Oliver's blood flow, we could have to make that decision within a couple of hours. The medical teams are gathering and preparing just in case we do choose to deliver, but none of them can tell us what the best choice is. And I don't blame them. They are in the same position we are...there are no guarantees at this point in gestation and every decision we make right now is a gamble, and no one wants to be the one to make that call. So ultimately it's up to Nick and I, and we are praying so hard that God would give us wisdom beyond what we deserve and peace that passes understanding. No parent ever wants to be in this position. Both doctors and every nurse we've talked to has teared up a bit with us as we've talked about all the risks and benefits associated with these choices, and it is so overwhelming to know that they love these babies so much already that they are treating them like their own.
I've kind of checked out of communication right now, but please know how very blessed we are by all the "shares," "likes," comments, messages, texts of encouragement, and words of comfort. I'm trying to keep up, but medical staff have been in and out of our room since 3:00pm yesterday, and we're just feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and trying to create space to pray and grieve and come to peace with a decision that we aren't even sure we're going to have to make tomorrow. That's maybe one of the most awful parts is that we have to be ready to make it at any point from here on out and we just don't know when. If not tomorrow, Saturday? And if not Saturday, Tuesday? And if not Tuesday, next week? So we keep praying and hoping and asking God for a miracle, but also believing that he loves these babies so much more than we ever could and that no matter what happens, He is in control. He has not lost sight of these babies or this situation and none of this is a surprise to Him. For that we are so, SO grateful.
One of the comments that did catch my eye on Facebook last night was from a sweet friend of mine that I worked with at summer camp in college. She was praying that we would be able to make this decision without fear of judgement or opinion or guilt or regret no matter the outcome, and for that I am so thankful. Thank you, sweet friend, for praying that for us and reminding us and everyone else on our journey that this is not a position anyone ever wants to be in. And thank you, friends and family and kind strangers who have jumped in to this story with us for being so compassionate and just reminding us that we are loved and prayed for. We really can't thank you all enough for that. I was hesitant to even put this on the internet, because I know it seems like an invitation to join us in making this decision, but I'm so, SO thankful that we haven't felt any sort of judgement or condemnation from anyone about what they would do, or what we should do, or what God would do, etc. Instead, you all have been an incredible source of love and encouragement, and we are so grateful. We've been honest with you all up to now about what's going on, and we've seen miracles - especially with my health and Lena's health - and I continue to share with you all because I know it is your prayers that are holding us up right now and I'm confident you will continue to do so. We are praying for a miracle for Oliver now too, but we are also praying for peace and comfort should hard decisions need to be made in the near future. Thank you for continuing to pray for us and love us and believe in us. We serve an incredible Savior and we are clinging to him for peace, wisdom, guidance, and comfort now more than ever.
I've kind of checked out of communication right now, but please know how very blessed we are by all the "shares," "likes," comments, messages, texts of encouragement, and words of comfort. I'm trying to keep up, but medical staff have been in and out of our room since 3:00pm yesterday, and we're just feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and trying to create space to pray and grieve and come to peace with a decision that we aren't even sure we're going to have to make tomorrow. That's maybe one of the most awful parts is that we have to be ready to make it at any point from here on out and we just don't know when. If not tomorrow, Saturday? And if not Saturday, Tuesday? And if not Tuesday, next week? So we keep praying and hoping and asking God for a miracle, but also believing that he loves these babies so much more than we ever could and that no matter what happens, He is in control. He has not lost sight of these babies or this situation and none of this is a surprise to Him. For that we are so, SO grateful.
One of the comments that did catch my eye on Facebook last night was from a sweet friend of mine that I worked with at summer camp in college. She was praying that we would be able to make this decision without fear of judgement or opinion or guilt or regret no matter the outcome, and for that I am so thankful. Thank you, sweet friend, for praying that for us and reminding us and everyone else on our journey that this is not a position anyone ever wants to be in. And thank you, friends and family and kind strangers who have jumped in to this story with us for being so compassionate and just reminding us that we are loved and prayed for. We really can't thank you all enough for that. I was hesitant to even put this on the internet, because I know it seems like an invitation to join us in making this decision, but I'm so, SO thankful that we haven't felt any sort of judgement or condemnation from anyone about what they would do, or what we should do, or what God would do, etc. Instead, you all have been an incredible source of love and encouragement, and we are so grateful. We've been honest with you all up to now about what's going on, and we've seen miracles - especially with my health and Lena's health - and I continue to share with you all because I know it is your prayers that are holding us up right now and I'm confident you will continue to do so. We are praying for a miracle for Oliver now too, but we are also praying for peace and comfort should hard decisions need to be made in the near future. Thank you for continuing to pray for us and love us and believe in us. We serve an incredible Savior and we are clinging to him for peace, wisdom, guidance, and comfort now more than ever.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
A Turn for the Worse.
So many of you have been so faithful to pray and knew that today was a big day for us, and I'm so sorry I'm just now getting an update posted. Today we reached 26 weeks, which is amazing, and we are so thankful for the gift of being this far along in our pregnancy. However, at our growth scan today, we got some news we were not expecting and are coming to the point where some hard decisions might have to be made in the near future. Sweet Oliver took a turn for the worse and is now in the same boat as Lena - they both have blood flow issues and are considered "IUGR" (intra-uterine growth restricted). Lena is still not quite to 500g (the 1 lb cut off we need her at), meaning she is likely too small to be intubated if she were to come now. The good news with her though is that she IS growing and is getting so close - she's gained 120g in the last two weeks and is at 440g. Her blood flow has remained stable, so while it's not "good," it's still not deteriorating. Oliver, on the other hand, took such a drastic turn, and so quickly, that we don't have any idea what to predict from him. He is at 1 lb 7 oz, so he's big enough to intubate should we have to deliver in the next few days, but also didn't gain enough weight in the last two weeks that he has fallen to the second percentile on the growth chart (anything under 10% is concerning). Mavis and Amos are baby tanks and have both grown significantly in the last two weeks - both are coming in at 1 lb 12 oz, which is incredible.
Dr. Jackson came in and talked with Nick and I for about an hour this evening, and we are so grateful to be in his care. We still can't believe that we have been blessed with two incredible physicians taking care of us and these babies throughout the duration of this pregnancy. What a gift. No matter what happens with these kiddos, Dr. Grant and Dr. Jackson will always be our heroes for the love and care they have both poured into us these last 26 weeks. Anyway, the long and the short of our time with him today is that we just don't have any guarantees, and we need to be prepared for anything when we have another Doppler on Friday (when they will just look at blood flow for Oliver and Lena). We could see that they are both still hanging in there and wait until Tuesday to look again (we are going back to a Tuesday/Friday schedule given the new circumstances) with no hard decisions needing to be made at this time. The other situation we could see is that Oliver is continuing to go south and we would need to make some really awful, AWFUL decisions based on what is best for the most number of babies. The worst part about this is that medically we are in gray area. They can't say for sure what the best option would be. If we were further along in gestation, it would be a no-brainer - deliver the babies and know that they all have a great chance at survival. Had we gotten to this point a couple of weeks ago, we would be in the position - as hard as it would be - where it wouldn't really be our decision because none of them could survive outside the womb and we would just need to leave them all and know that we were likely going to lose Lena in the process. So, Nick and I are just feeling icky. We are SO thankful for the progress Lena has made and the continued successful growth that Mavis and Amos are showing. Oliver, on the other hand, is heartbreaking and we just didn't see it coming. He has given us no hint at being in trouble, but like I said the other day, we know that anything can happen, and it can happen in an instant.
Nick is still at the hospital with me and we are waiting on the neonatologist to come meet with us. Dr. Jackson wanted us to get to talk with one of them again and hear their thoughts on delivering at this point based on what they know of their weights now. We just heard that Dr. Pardalos from the NICU is on his way down, so I will post this now and do another update later. Thank you for praying!!
Dr. Jackson came in and talked with Nick and I for about an hour this evening, and we are so grateful to be in his care. We still can't believe that we have been blessed with two incredible physicians taking care of us and these babies throughout the duration of this pregnancy. What a gift. No matter what happens with these kiddos, Dr. Grant and Dr. Jackson will always be our heroes for the love and care they have both poured into us these last 26 weeks. Anyway, the long and the short of our time with him today is that we just don't have any guarantees, and we need to be prepared for anything when we have another Doppler on Friday (when they will just look at blood flow for Oliver and Lena). We could see that they are both still hanging in there and wait until Tuesday to look again (we are going back to a Tuesday/Friday schedule given the new circumstances) with no hard decisions needing to be made at this time. The other situation we could see is that Oliver is continuing to go south and we would need to make some really awful, AWFUL decisions based on what is best for the most number of babies. The worst part about this is that medically we are in gray area. They can't say for sure what the best option would be. If we were further along in gestation, it would be a no-brainer - deliver the babies and know that they all have a great chance at survival. Had we gotten to this point a couple of weeks ago, we would be in the position - as hard as it would be - where it wouldn't really be our decision because none of them could survive outside the womb and we would just need to leave them all and know that we were likely going to lose Lena in the process. So, Nick and I are just feeling icky. We are SO thankful for the progress Lena has made and the continued successful growth that Mavis and Amos are showing. Oliver, on the other hand, is heartbreaking and we just didn't see it coming. He has given us no hint at being in trouble, but like I said the other day, we know that anything can happen, and it can happen in an instant.
Nick is still at the hospital with me and we are waiting on the neonatologist to come meet with us. Dr. Jackson wanted us to get to talk with one of them again and hear their thoughts on delivering at this point based on what they know of their weights now. We just heard that Dr. Pardalos from the NICU is on his way down, so I will post this now and do another update later. Thank you for praying!!
Friday, August 14, 2015
The Best News.
I'm just gonna cut to the chase because I can't contain my excitement...Lena's pocket of fluid is 5 cm. FIVE OF THEM!! Five! You guys, I don't think she's ever been above a 2, which is the cut off for "danger zone." And today, incredibly, she's got the most beautiful pocket of fluid you've ever seen (oh? You didn't know that pockets of fluid could be beautiful? Um, they absolutely can.)! I didn't realize that we were going to do a quick scan today, but they took me to the clinic (you better believe I took a shower and put on some clean jammies for my big ride across the hospital!!), just to measure heart rates and fluid pockets and to look at Lena's blood flow. When they looked when I got admitted two weeks ago, and then when we measured them again last Wednesday, her fluid level was right around 1.7, which I was elated about because at least it wasn't 0.5 (the lowest it's gotten). But somehow, miraculously, she's got this amazing pocket of fluid around her now and she is so active and mobile, and I'm fairly confident it's her way of thanking all of you for praying so faithfully for her. We didn't measure the babies today, but visually they all look a little bigger, even Lena girl (and the sonographer confirmed that...it's not just wishful mama thinking!). Her blood flow continues to be the same - absent in a few places along her cord, but it's not deteriorating, and that is a huge blessing. She's obviously not out of the woods yet, but I'm over the moon. And you can that tell by the number of run-on sentences contained in this first paragraph, none of which I'm even going to go back and fix, because...FIVE!!!!!!
That's our big news for today, but Mavis, Amos, and Oliver are looking awesome as well, and I don't want to take that for granted. As we have seen with Lena, anything can happen, and I never want to lose sight of what a huge gift it's been to not have much to worry about with those three pumpkins. I am so, SO thankful for their good health and continued growth. Poor Mavis is shoved so far down by the weight of the other babies, that she doesn't move much these days, but her little extremities flail about all willy nilly, and I love watching her fight off her brothers. I'll be so excited to see her sweet face when she gets here, since it's been hidden from us for weeks now. Amos and Oliver, on the other hand, are total show offs. They are turning circles and kicking like crazy and one of them has his feet lodged in my right ribs 98% of the time. I'm pretty sure from the way they are arranged that it's Oliver. Typical middle child. Just wants to make sure I haven't forgotten him. :)
Other than Lena's amazing news, this was my favorite thing that happened at my scan today:
Other than that, things continue to remain stable. My labs are still good, my blood pressure is okay (steadily creeping up, but still in the normal range...just the upper portion of it), and there's nothing indicating that these babies are coming anytime soon. Which is completely insane and for which I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Yesterday I got to take a tour of the NICU, and honestly, it was amazing. Yes, it's completely overwhelming to think about all of the challenges they will face in the outside world, but to have a visual for where we'll be and what a baby that size looks like in person was actually really comforting. I've joked about the fact that our babies will look like aliens because they just won't have any fat on their bodies, but after seeing some itty bitty babies up close yesterday, I have to eat my words. They were perfect. Seriously. All of them. As perfect as you can imagine a baby being. Maybe your perspective changes when you know you're going to have four of those itty bitty babies yourself before too long, but they really did look like baby dolls. Beautiful, tiny, proportional, sleeping baby dolls who occasionally flail their arms and legs about and bring tears to your eyes because they are so incredibly perfect. When God says that he knits us together perfectly in our mother's womb and that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139), he was not lying. These babies are perfect are I can't wait to see our tiny little doll babies in a few weeks.
Prayer warriors, you are incredible. From the bottom of our hearts, we cannot thank you enough. We are watching God change our little girl's situation, and we have not been this encouraged about her well-being in weeks. Thank you for fighting on her behalf, and really on behalf of all of us. Nick and I have felt so very loved and cared for by all of you, and I'm confident that your prayers and encouragement are what's sustaining all seven of us during this crazy time. Bless you!
That's our big news for today, but Mavis, Amos, and Oliver are looking awesome as well, and I don't want to take that for granted. As we have seen with Lena, anything can happen, and I never want to lose sight of what a huge gift it's been to not have much to worry about with those three pumpkins. I am so, SO thankful for their good health and continued growth. Poor Mavis is shoved so far down by the weight of the other babies, that she doesn't move much these days, but her little extremities flail about all willy nilly, and I love watching her fight off her brothers. I'll be so excited to see her sweet face when she gets here, since it's been hidden from us for weeks now. Amos and Oliver, on the other hand, are total show offs. They are turning circles and kicking like crazy and one of them has his feet lodged in my right ribs 98% of the time. I'm pretty sure from the way they are arranged that it's Oliver. Typical middle child. Just wants to make sure I haven't forgotten him. :)
Other than Lena's amazing news, this was my favorite thing that happened at my scan today:
So, this is Oliver, with his legs stretched out and over his head, basically in a U shape sticking his butt in his brother's face...
And then 30 seconds later, this picture was taken of Amos, literally with his nose in Oliver's tiny little butt. The "C" is where Oliver's buns are and the "B" is Amos' head. Oh, boys. I think they're going to keep us on our toes.
Prayer warriors, you are incredible. From the bottom of our hearts, we cannot thank you enough. We are watching God change our little girl's situation, and we have not been this encouraged about her well-being in weeks. Thank you for fighting on her behalf, and really on behalf of all of us. Nick and I have felt so very loved and cared for by all of you, and I'm confident that your prayers and encouragement are what's sustaining all seven of us during this crazy time. Bless you!
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Another Week in the Books!
I'm kind of in shock as I write this, but here we are at 25 WEEKS!! 25 of them...with four babies in my belly. I seriously can't believe it. Also totally unbelievable? We're actually really stable for now! The babies all still have strong heartbeats, my preeclampsia labs and blood pressure remain good, and weirdly, all is well for now. Every morning between 7:00 and 8:00am, Dr. Jackson and his entourage (seriously, this morning it was like 7 doctors) come in and wake me up (lucky for them. They're all showered and make-upped and looking like real human adults, and I'm just drooling on myself with hair matted to my face and barely coherent. Have I mentioned how pretty pregnancy makes me feel?!?) with the news that all is well for another day. Which at this point is so weird and wonderful, all at the same time.
Now that we've reached 25 weeks, Dr. Jackson talked to me today about his latest thoughts and plans moving forward. We aren't going to do a "big" ultrasound again until next week. I get a quick one every day to make sure the babies have good heartbeats and are moving, but the "big" one is what I call the one where I go to the clinic, and they look at fluid levels, blood flow, and measurements. The reason he's waiting one more week to do another big one is that the margin of error will be smaller if the ultrasound measurements are further apart, and we can get a better idea of whether the babies are actually growing or not. So, no wheelchair trip to the other side of the hospital today, but I can totally wait if it means we will get a better idea of how the little nuggets are doing. After next week, we will probably start looking at blood flow more regularly (I can't remember if they said daily at that point or just weekly), as we might be at a point where all four of the babies could survive outside the womb, and if Lena is in distress, we may be able to deliver them all and have a good chance of survival for each of them. However, that would still be a really hard decision to make knowing that it may not be what's best for all four babies, so please continue praying that it never comes to that. If we can get all four of them to 28 weeks, Dr. Jackson said it would be more of a no-brainer, and we could deliver all four in good conscience medically, knowing that they all have a really good chance of survival. So, please pray for at least three more weeks!! I'm still holding out hope for getting to 30, but at this point, I would take 28 too. That's just three more weeks! THREE!! That's it! We can totally do that!!
Speaking of weeks, it's kind of surreal that I've been on bedrest for nine of them. Nine weeks of laying in bed, and I haven't even lost my marbles yet! Everyone keeps asking if I'm so bored, but truly, I'm not. I've received so many encouraging texts and Facebook messages, had sweet visitors who've dropped by the house (and now the hospital), and my amazing mom has been here quite a bit to help keep me company (she and my dad thought they retired so they could be footloose and fancy free and maybe travel a bit...haha! Isn't that so cute?! Luckily they are perfectly content for their travels to be back and forth between Mid-Missouri and Wichita!), so I really can't complain. And now that I'm in the hospital, it's practically impossible to be lonely. The staff has taken such amazing care of us and are in and out of my room all of the time making sure I don't need anything, bringing me meds, checking my vitals, getting me fresh water (they have Sonic ice here, so basically I'm living the life of luxury!), etc. Honestly, the last week and a half have flown by, and I'm confident the next three or four will as well. I'm just so grateful to still be pregnant with all four babies, and every time I'm overwhelmed or uncomfortable or think I can't do it anymore, I'm reminded of what a miracle this whole journey is and everything seems more manageable.
In other miraculous news, Lena is still fighting the good fight, and I'm feeling more hopeful about her situation than I have in six weeks. Dr. Jackson told me this morning that after he looked at her ultrasound report last week, he was really impressed with her blood flow, and it didn't look as bad as it did the Friday I was admitted!! She's also been really wiggly the last three days when they've looked at her, her heartbeat remains strong, and in my mama opinion (which amounts to a hill of beans, medically, but brings me comfort nonetheless), I think her fluid level looks better and she looks a little bigger this week than she did last week. It's truly nothing short of miraculous...here's lookin' at you, prayer warriors, encouragement givers, and Lena lovers. Please keep praying. I truly believe God is hearing us and doing amazing things in this little girl's life. As I mentioned in my Saturday post, God is good and no matter what happens with this tiny peanut, I pray that her life - no matter how long or short it may be - brings Him so much glory and that people would know His goodness because of her.
Now that we are nearing the end of this pregnancy, we're turning the corner emotionally to think about what happens when the babies get here. We met with the neonatalogist and the social worker from the NICU the day we got here, and have since met with a NICU nurse and visited with the social worker several more times. To be honest with you, it's completely overwhelming to think about. There are so, SO many things that will be stacked against these babies when they get here, but everyone we've met with from the NICU has been incredible and encouraging and has assured us they will do everything they can to help these kiddos thrive. Starting with proper staffing of the delivery room. Each baby will have their own doctor and team of nurses, which means there will probably be a total of about 40 medical staff in the delivery room with us between each of their teams and mine. Apparently there's a flow chart somewhere of who's doing what when that time comes, which is so weird to me, but also super comforting that they have such a detailed plan already laid out for our care. I'm telling you. These people are wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.
After the babies come, they will swoop them off to the NICU to intubate them and get their care started immediately. In addition to their lung and brain development, one thing I hadn't considered is that their skin probably won't be ready for the outside world and will make them highly susceptible to infections. The neonatologist explained the intricate balance of heat and humidity that they will monitor in their isolettes to accommodate for their underdeveloped skin and said it will probably look like we're growing our babies in terrariums, and we'll have to wipe the condensation off of their tiny glass cages to see them. Precious little reptile babies, :) The other thing he told us that was really helpful to know is that the chance of any of them coming home before their "due date" (I use that term loosely, being that we've never really had one, but had this been a singleton pregnancy, November 25 would have been it) is slim to none. So, we at least know now that we are looking to start the process of bringing them home at the end of November. In the meantime, we will get to come visit and spend the days with them as often and as long as we'd like. Once they are big enough and stable enough, Nick and I will get to begin kangaroo care with them (skin to skin holding) to further help with their development. Although they did tell us that kangaroo care is a 1-3 hour commitment since it takes so much work to get them out of their isolettes and unhooked enough for it to be comfortable for them. Oh, bummer. Snuggle my babies for hours at a time. Twist my arm. I mean, if it's what's best for them, I suppose we'll do it. :) We've learned a million other things, but I should let Nick do a guest post for that info...he's a sponge and soaks all of that in and can regurgitate it like a champ. I, on the other hand, barely remember what day it is right now.
That's about all we know right now, but before I end this post, two things -
1. Another belly picture for those of you who've been asking (which I can't believe I'm putting on the internet...know that I love you since I'm doing this sans make up, hair undone, and in my jammies). You're welcome. :)
2. Last, and MOST importantly, A VERY happy birthday to the first baby who stole my heart. My incredibly smart, fun, athletic, hilarious, beautiful niece, Natalie turns 9 today. Natty Girl, if Mavis and Lena turn out anything like you, I would be the luckiest mommy in the whole world. I'm so proud of you - your tender heart that loves Jesus and others so very well is amazing. I hope you've had the best day ever and know that Uncle Nick, Auntie Em, Jeremiah, and the babies are celebrating you from afar today!
(um, please note that I did not take this beautiful picture, but my brother and his family's dear friend, Tonenia from Faith-Inspired Photography, did and if you're in the Wichita, KS area, you should absolutely look her up! And in the meantime, I should really look up copyright things, because now I've stolen song lyrics and a picture without permission. I'm married to a lawyer...you'd think I could get my act together enough to figure these kinds of things out...)
Now that we've reached 25 weeks, Dr. Jackson talked to me today about his latest thoughts and plans moving forward. We aren't going to do a "big" ultrasound again until next week. I get a quick one every day to make sure the babies have good heartbeats and are moving, but the "big" one is what I call the one where I go to the clinic, and they look at fluid levels, blood flow, and measurements. The reason he's waiting one more week to do another big one is that the margin of error will be smaller if the ultrasound measurements are further apart, and we can get a better idea of whether the babies are actually growing or not. So, no wheelchair trip to the other side of the hospital today, but I can totally wait if it means we will get a better idea of how the little nuggets are doing. After next week, we will probably start looking at blood flow more regularly (I can't remember if they said daily at that point or just weekly), as we might be at a point where all four of the babies could survive outside the womb, and if Lena is in distress, we may be able to deliver them all and have a good chance of survival for each of them. However, that would still be a really hard decision to make knowing that it may not be what's best for all four babies, so please continue praying that it never comes to that. If we can get all four of them to 28 weeks, Dr. Jackson said it would be more of a no-brainer, and we could deliver all four in good conscience medically, knowing that they all have a really good chance of survival. So, please pray for at least three more weeks!! I'm still holding out hope for getting to 30, but at this point, I would take 28 too. That's just three more weeks! THREE!! That's it! We can totally do that!!
Speaking of weeks, it's kind of surreal that I've been on bedrest for nine of them. Nine weeks of laying in bed, and I haven't even lost my marbles yet! Everyone keeps asking if I'm so bored, but truly, I'm not. I've received so many encouraging texts and Facebook messages, had sweet visitors who've dropped by the house (and now the hospital), and my amazing mom has been here quite a bit to help keep me company (she and my dad thought they retired so they could be footloose and fancy free and maybe travel a bit...haha! Isn't that so cute?! Luckily they are perfectly content for their travels to be back and forth between Mid-Missouri and Wichita!), so I really can't complain. And now that I'm in the hospital, it's practically impossible to be lonely. The staff has taken such amazing care of us and are in and out of my room all of the time making sure I don't need anything, bringing me meds, checking my vitals, getting me fresh water (they have Sonic ice here, so basically I'm living the life of luxury!), etc. Honestly, the last week and a half have flown by, and I'm confident the next three or four will as well. I'm just so grateful to still be pregnant with all four babies, and every time I'm overwhelmed or uncomfortable or think I can't do it anymore, I'm reminded of what a miracle this whole journey is and everything seems more manageable.
In other miraculous news, Lena is still fighting the good fight, and I'm feeling more hopeful about her situation than I have in six weeks. Dr. Jackson told me this morning that after he looked at her ultrasound report last week, he was really impressed with her blood flow, and it didn't look as bad as it did the Friday I was admitted!! She's also been really wiggly the last three days when they've looked at her, her heartbeat remains strong, and in my mama opinion (which amounts to a hill of beans, medically, but brings me comfort nonetheless), I think her fluid level looks better and she looks a little bigger this week than she did last week. It's truly nothing short of miraculous...here's lookin' at you, prayer warriors, encouragement givers, and Lena lovers. Please keep praying. I truly believe God is hearing us and doing amazing things in this little girl's life. As I mentioned in my Saturday post, God is good and no matter what happens with this tiny peanut, I pray that her life - no matter how long or short it may be - brings Him so much glory and that people would know His goodness because of her.
Now that we are nearing the end of this pregnancy, we're turning the corner emotionally to think about what happens when the babies get here. We met with the neonatalogist and the social worker from the NICU the day we got here, and have since met with a NICU nurse and visited with the social worker several more times. To be honest with you, it's completely overwhelming to think about. There are so, SO many things that will be stacked against these babies when they get here, but everyone we've met with from the NICU has been incredible and encouraging and has assured us they will do everything they can to help these kiddos thrive. Starting with proper staffing of the delivery room. Each baby will have their own doctor and team of nurses, which means there will probably be a total of about 40 medical staff in the delivery room with us between each of their teams and mine. Apparently there's a flow chart somewhere of who's doing what when that time comes, which is so weird to me, but also super comforting that they have such a detailed plan already laid out for our care. I'm telling you. These people are wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.
After the babies come, they will swoop them off to the NICU to intubate them and get their care started immediately. In addition to their lung and brain development, one thing I hadn't considered is that their skin probably won't be ready for the outside world and will make them highly susceptible to infections. The neonatologist explained the intricate balance of heat and humidity that they will monitor in their isolettes to accommodate for their underdeveloped skin and said it will probably look like we're growing our babies in terrariums, and we'll have to wipe the condensation off of their tiny glass cages to see them. Precious little reptile babies, :) The other thing he told us that was really helpful to know is that the chance of any of them coming home before their "due date" (I use that term loosely, being that we've never really had one, but had this been a singleton pregnancy, November 25 would have been it) is slim to none. So, we at least know now that we are looking to start the process of bringing them home at the end of November. In the meantime, we will get to come visit and spend the days with them as often and as long as we'd like. Once they are big enough and stable enough, Nick and I will get to begin kangaroo care with them (skin to skin holding) to further help with their development. Although they did tell us that kangaroo care is a 1-3 hour commitment since it takes so much work to get them out of their isolettes and unhooked enough for it to be comfortable for them. Oh, bummer. Snuggle my babies for hours at a time. Twist my arm. I mean, if it's what's best for them, I suppose we'll do it. :) We've learned a million other things, but I should let Nick do a guest post for that info...he's a sponge and soaks all of that in and can regurgitate it like a champ. I, on the other hand, barely remember what day it is right now.
That's about all we know right now, but before I end this post, two things -
1. Another belly picture for those of you who've been asking (which I can't believe I'm putting on the internet...know that I love you since I'm doing this sans make up, hair undone, and in my jammies). You're welcome. :)
2. Last, and MOST importantly, A VERY happy birthday to the first baby who stole my heart. My incredibly smart, fun, athletic, hilarious, beautiful niece, Natalie turns 9 today. Natty Girl, if Mavis and Lena turn out anything like you, I would be the luckiest mommy in the whole world. I'm so proud of you - your tender heart that loves Jesus and others so very well is amazing. I hope you've had the best day ever and know that Uncle Nick, Auntie Em, Jeremiah, and the babies are celebrating you from afar today!
(um, please note that I did not take this beautiful picture, but my brother and his family's dear friend, Tonenia from Faith-Inspired Photography, did and if you're in the Wichita, KS area, you should absolutely look her up! And in the meantime, I should really look up copyright things, because now I've stolen song lyrics and a picture without permission. I'm married to a lawyer...you'd think I could get my act together enough to figure these kinds of things out...)
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Some Other Things We've Learned.
Good morning!
I don't have anything new or different to report today (which is a good thing right now...boring and stable is my favorite!), but for those of you who may be interested, I thought I might post about all the fun stuff we've learned in the week we've been here. Hold onto your hats...I'm a fountain of knowledge today! :)
Obviously the first obstacle we're facing is keeping the babies in for as long as possible. There are two things that could cause them to do the C-Section right away, and that would be the babies' health (are they in distress, would it be better for them to be out as opposed to in at this point, etc.) and then my health (have I gone preeclamptic and it's no longer safe for any of us that they remain in). The third thing that could send us to delivery would be if my body just goes into preterm labor and they can't stop it. That's the one that scares me the most, and I'm praying that my uterus and cervix can just hold it together until the doctors decide it's time. I'm not having very many contractions (that I can feel anyway) and my blood pressure has been really good for the most part, so I'm hoping that means I'm not going to be the one to cause the babies to come too soon.
Now that we've reached viability, each baby has a 50% chance of survival. Every week after this gains us 10% on survival odds, so I'm still pulling for 30 weeks. The doctors have all said they're going for 29, but I say, "go big or go home." And I don't plan to go home for at least 6 more weeks, so we're going big. :) Mavis, Amos, and Oliver are all doing amazingly well. They are gaining weight, have great heartbeats, and are constantly moving (which I'm FINALLY starting to be able to feel...amazing!). Because we see them so often, I feel like I have an idea of what their personalities will be like, so it will be fun to see if I'm right or not. Mavis is totally going to be our typical oldest child, type A, mother hen (we'll see how that goes over with Jeremiah). She's strong and feisty and holding up the fort and is also a total people pleaser. Anytime the sonographer needs her in a different position she quickly obliges as if she can hear what is being asked of her and obeys accordingly. Totally her father's daughter. :) The two boys, on the other hand, are going to be just like me. Ornery enough to keep life interesting, but sweet enough to get away with it (I'm the youngest and am fully aware of the power I've always held in being so). :) Amos is so super sweet. He's always cuddly and has his hands up by his face, begging to be held and squeezed and loved (and also I've always thought he looks just like Nick. He has the most beautiful profile and is always willing to show it off, but this week we got to see a 3D view of him, and my thoughts about him having his daddy's face were totally confirmed!). He's also a pleaser and literally does whatever is needed of him by the sonographer without her ever having to ask. It's like he knows what's coming next and is like, "oh, you want my heartbeat? Let me turn ever so slightly so you can get it. Oh, now you'd like to see me fill my stomach and bladder? Coming right up!" But also, he and Oliver are in a constant wrestling match. All. The. Time. If they're not headbutting each other, they're kicking each other, and if they aren't kicking each other, one of them has their elbow in the other's face. Such little boys already. Oliver strikes me as a typical middle child. He is always in the other kids' pictures as if to say, "don't forget about me! I'm here too! Aren't I so cute? Look at my foot! Or my hand! Or my face! Or even my tiny cute baby buns! Just look at me!!" I will always look at you, buddy. Promise, promise.
Sweet little Lena, on the other hand...I worry about her so much. The doctors have been really honest with us that because the other babies are doing so well, there could come a point where we could lose her, but would need to let it be to allow the other babies the opportunity to continue growing and have a greater chance at survival outside of the womb. That possibility weighs heavy on us and every day we get with her is such a gift. The doctors just came in to do their daily look at the babies and she's still got a strong heartbeat! Praise God!! Again, every day is a gift. She's been curled up in her same little spot for at least 8 weeks, not moving much, but fighting so, so hard to keep on keepin' on. She's our tiny peanut girl who will get away with anything and everything because she's had to fight so hard to make it, and her daddy and I will totally let her. Emotionally, she has been the hardest part of this pregnancy. How do you hold on to hope, knowing that God absolutely can sustain her, but also prepare for the worst, knowing that medically the cards are stacked against her? How do you mourn her set backs and challenges and still celebrate the other babies victories? We just love her so much and the thought of losing her is so devastating, but I know that the fact that by the grace of God my body has kept three of the four babies thriving is nothing to take for granted either. It is a super weird place to be in, but at the end of the day, we just cling to what we know and that is the Truth that God is good. And he is good no matter what. He loves this tiny girl who he created more than Nick or I ever could, and for that we are so grateful. If he chooses to take her back before we get to raise her, we know that it is for her good and His glory, and we rest in knowing that by doing so he is saving her from a life of pain. In the midst of our own pain, we can praise Him for that. Only God knows what the future holds, and in the middle of our uncertainty, that brings us more peace than we can explain. So we wait, and we pray, and we trust that God CAN pull Lena through this but if he doesn't, we'll all be okay. It will hurt and we will mourn, but we serve a God who weeps with us and walks through pain with us, and we will eventually all be okay.
So this actually turned into a fountain of my own thoughts and musings as opposed to what we've learned, so maybe I'll save our NICU info for another day! I know I say this a whole lot, but it just can't be said enough. Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. The outpouring of love you all have shown us is jaw-dropping, and we so desperately wish we could thank you all properly. Every share, "like", and comment on Facebook; every card, care package, and trinket for Jeremiah that comes in the mail; every text, call and voicemail - all of it is received with such gratitude and is such an encouragement to this tired mommy and daddy. Please know that. We didn't anticipate this. We didn't plan for this. To be honest, we didn't want this (nobody wants four children at a time...that's just insanity!). I honestly started this blog as a way to keep our out of town friends and family up to speed on what was going on (and also make some jokes about getting on Ellen or the Today Show), and I'm overwhelmed that it's turned into this crazy forum where strangers have become friends and the family of God has rallied around us in ways we couldn't have ever imagined. Thank you for reminding us that we are not alone. We thank God for each of you and can't wait until these babies are here and we can tell them about all of the people who prayed them through this pregnancy safely.
I don't have anything new or different to report today (which is a good thing right now...boring and stable is my favorite!), but for those of you who may be interested, I thought I might post about all the fun stuff we've learned in the week we've been here. Hold onto your hats...I'm a fountain of knowledge today! :)
Obviously the first obstacle we're facing is keeping the babies in for as long as possible. There are two things that could cause them to do the C-Section right away, and that would be the babies' health (are they in distress, would it be better for them to be out as opposed to in at this point, etc.) and then my health (have I gone preeclamptic and it's no longer safe for any of us that they remain in). The third thing that could send us to delivery would be if my body just goes into preterm labor and they can't stop it. That's the one that scares me the most, and I'm praying that my uterus and cervix can just hold it together until the doctors decide it's time. I'm not having very many contractions (that I can feel anyway) and my blood pressure has been really good for the most part, so I'm hoping that means I'm not going to be the one to cause the babies to come too soon.
Now that we've reached viability, each baby has a 50% chance of survival. Every week after this gains us 10% on survival odds, so I'm still pulling for 30 weeks. The doctors have all said they're going for 29, but I say, "go big or go home." And I don't plan to go home for at least 6 more weeks, so we're going big. :) Mavis, Amos, and Oliver are all doing amazingly well. They are gaining weight, have great heartbeats, and are constantly moving (which I'm FINALLY starting to be able to feel...amazing!). Because we see them so often, I feel like I have an idea of what their personalities will be like, so it will be fun to see if I'm right or not. Mavis is totally going to be our typical oldest child, type A, mother hen (we'll see how that goes over with Jeremiah). She's strong and feisty and holding up the fort and is also a total people pleaser. Anytime the sonographer needs her in a different position she quickly obliges as if she can hear what is being asked of her and obeys accordingly. Totally her father's daughter. :) The two boys, on the other hand, are going to be just like me. Ornery enough to keep life interesting, but sweet enough to get away with it (I'm the youngest and am fully aware of the power I've always held in being so). :) Amos is so super sweet. He's always cuddly and has his hands up by his face, begging to be held and squeezed and loved (and also I've always thought he looks just like Nick. He has the most beautiful profile and is always willing to show it off, but this week we got to see a 3D view of him, and my thoughts about him having his daddy's face were totally confirmed!). He's also a pleaser and literally does whatever is needed of him by the sonographer without her ever having to ask. It's like he knows what's coming next and is like, "oh, you want my heartbeat? Let me turn ever so slightly so you can get it. Oh, now you'd like to see me fill my stomach and bladder? Coming right up!" But also, he and Oliver are in a constant wrestling match. All. The. Time. If they're not headbutting each other, they're kicking each other, and if they aren't kicking each other, one of them has their elbow in the other's face. Such little boys already. Oliver strikes me as a typical middle child. He is always in the other kids' pictures as if to say, "don't forget about me! I'm here too! Aren't I so cute? Look at my foot! Or my hand! Or my face! Or even my tiny cute baby buns! Just look at me!!" I will always look at you, buddy. Promise, promise.
Sweet little Lena, on the other hand...I worry about her so much. The doctors have been really honest with us that because the other babies are doing so well, there could come a point where we could lose her, but would need to let it be to allow the other babies the opportunity to continue growing and have a greater chance at survival outside of the womb. That possibility weighs heavy on us and every day we get with her is such a gift. The doctors just came in to do their daily look at the babies and she's still got a strong heartbeat! Praise God!! Again, every day is a gift. She's been curled up in her same little spot for at least 8 weeks, not moving much, but fighting so, so hard to keep on keepin' on. She's our tiny peanut girl who will get away with anything and everything because she's had to fight so hard to make it, and her daddy and I will totally let her. Emotionally, she has been the hardest part of this pregnancy. How do you hold on to hope, knowing that God absolutely can sustain her, but also prepare for the worst, knowing that medically the cards are stacked against her? How do you mourn her set backs and challenges and still celebrate the other babies victories? We just love her so much and the thought of losing her is so devastating, but I know that the fact that by the grace of God my body has kept three of the four babies thriving is nothing to take for granted either. It is a super weird place to be in, but at the end of the day, we just cling to what we know and that is the Truth that God is good. And he is good no matter what. He loves this tiny girl who he created more than Nick or I ever could, and for that we are so grateful. If he chooses to take her back before we get to raise her, we know that it is for her good and His glory, and we rest in knowing that by doing so he is saving her from a life of pain. In the midst of our own pain, we can praise Him for that. Only God knows what the future holds, and in the middle of our uncertainty, that brings us more peace than we can explain. So we wait, and we pray, and we trust that God CAN pull Lena through this but if he doesn't, we'll all be okay. It will hurt and we will mourn, but we serve a God who weeps with us and walks through pain with us, and we will eventually all be okay.
So this actually turned into a fountain of my own thoughts and musings as opposed to what we've learned, so maybe I'll save our NICU info for another day! I know I say this a whole lot, but it just can't be said enough. Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. The outpouring of love you all have shown us is jaw-dropping, and we so desperately wish we could thank you all properly. Every share, "like", and comment on Facebook; every card, care package, and trinket for Jeremiah that comes in the mail; every text, call and voicemail - all of it is received with such gratitude and is such an encouragement to this tired mommy and daddy. Please know that. We didn't anticipate this. We didn't plan for this. To be honest, we didn't want this (nobody wants four children at a time...that's just insanity!). I honestly started this blog as a way to keep our out of town friends and family up to speed on what was going on (and also make some jokes about getting on Ellen or the Today Show), and I'm overwhelmed that it's turned into this crazy forum where strangers have become friends and the family of God has rallied around us in ways we couldn't have ever imagined. Thank you for reminding us that we are not alone. We thank God for each of you and can't wait until these babies are here and we can tell them about all of the people who prayed them through this pregnancy safely.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
24 Weeks!!!
Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry this post is so long in coming, but lest you think I'm bored in the hospital, I'm totally not. Things are WILD here! :) I've got nurses, doctors, neonatologists, NICU nurses, social workers, dietitians, anesthesiologists, blood drawers, IV changers, and food service workers in and out of my room all the time. Literally. All the time. The blood draw girls come in at 4:00am (so the results can be in by the time the doctors make their morning rounds), which is pretty great, especially if you're into being stabbed in the middle of the night, which I totally am. At least they're all really nice and make it as quick and painless as possible. In fact, everyone we've met here has been so, SO kind, which has made being here much more bearable. To be honest, I'm just so in awe that not only did we have the most amazing care at Dr. Grant's office, but we are getting incredible care here as well. And of course, my sweet girls at Dr. Grant's have been so faithful to check in with me and see how we're doing. I don't take it for granted that we've had nothing but the best care during this pregnancy!
Let's get to the good stuff - the babies are still cooking and we made it to our first huge milestone!! Yesterday was viability day!! 24 WEEKS!! I can't even believe we are finally here!! I know we still have so far to go before we're "out of danger" (in fact, that's not really even a thing), but every day is a victory at this point, and we are so, so grateful to be at this point. The doctors have been coming in first thing in the morning to take a quick look at the babies to make sure they all have good heartbeats, but yesterday we got to go to the clinic (that's right...I took a wheelchair ride to the other side of the hospital. In my jammies. Like a boss.) and look more closely at all of them. It took almost 2 hours, but we got to see and measure all of their little body parts, look at their fluid levels, and get an estimated weight on each of them. We also looked at Lena's blood flow, and she continues to be "intermittent absent" - meaning every once in a while the blood just stops flowing through her placenta, which sounds really scary, but they assure me isn't the worst it could be and we're okay for now. It's not great, and it's part of the reason she's so tiny, but until it becomes persistently absent or reverse, we're okay. I know so many of you are already praying so faithfully for her, but if you would continue to do so, specifically for her blood flow and growth, we would be so grateful. I mentioned it in one of my Facebook posts this weekend, but the babies have to be over a pound to have a chance at survival outside of the womb. Mavis and Amos have both gained 2 oz since we got here on Friday and are sitting at 1.5. Oliver didn't gain any, but is still at 1.3, so we'll take it. Lena, on the other hand, is only at 12 oz, so we've got some growing to do. The doctors told me on Friday that they would have liked to have seen me gain 15 more pounds at this point in my pregnancy, so they are trying to beef these babies up by putting me on a high protein diet. I'm not gonna lie...it's not my favorite thing. My belly just feels so full all the time as it is, so eating every 2 hours isn't super fun, but I will absolutely do it if it helps these tiny cats grow!
As far as my health goes, I'm doing okay. I've had some really good, easy days since I've been here, and I've had some not great, hard days too. Today is one of those hard days. I woke up at 5:00am shivering uncontrollably and achy and vomiting and we couldn't get it under control for several hours. At which point the IV girls came in to switch my IV location (I'm not attached to anything, but they have to keep a line in all the time in case of an emergency), and I immediately started throwing up again and those sweet ladies had to hold my hair back and wipe my face for me. Which all happened before they could even get the needle out of their cart. Oh, I'm a dream patient today. Luckily everyone has been so kind and no one has been outwardly mad at me for being so needy. Bless them. The doctors aren't super concerned that anything is wrong (honestly it feels more like the flu than anything pregnancy-related), but are keeping an eye on it just in case. Preeclampsia is their biggest concern with my health, and those symptoms aren't typical for that, but they are being very cautious anyway and not making me feel like a big ol baby for being so whiny today.
Other than that, I'm doing mostly okay. I'm pretty uncomfortable all the time at this point, which is to be expected. They told me that the 30 pounds I've gained is all baby and baby accouterments, so it's all hanging out right in my belly. Hooray for not being super fat everywhere, but good grief that's a lot of weight for one area of my body! If I lay still too long, all the things start to hurt and I have to heave my giant body to a different position. It's pretty glamorous. I'm also really tired all the time, but am not sleeping great at night, which, again, is totally normal and expected. It just means I cry more because, you know, crazy pregnancy hormones plus exhaustion is a recipe for disaster.
Nick and I have learned SO much about what to expect, both for the duration of the pregnancy and the babies' NICU stay, but I'm falling asleep typing this, so perhaps I'll save that for another day. Did I mention I'm so sleepy all the time?
Haha! Just kidding!! As I was typing that I was falling asleep, my nurse came in to tell me that I'm getting a new, bigger room, and a sweet girl from my church's hospital care team came to visit. See? WILD! Poor Carolyn (the nurse who I've not had yet before today and has now had to take care of my vomiting, whiny, achy self AND has had to move all my junk to a new room...pretty sure she's going to request to NEVER have me again!) is just about done with the move, so I'd better call it a day and get this posted before my big jaunt down the hall.
Thank you all so, SO much for your continued love and support. We are just overwhelmed and beyond grateful.
Let's get to the good stuff - the babies are still cooking and we made it to our first huge milestone!! Yesterday was viability day!! 24 WEEKS!! I can't even believe we are finally here!! I know we still have so far to go before we're "out of danger" (in fact, that's not really even a thing), but every day is a victory at this point, and we are so, so grateful to be at this point. The doctors have been coming in first thing in the morning to take a quick look at the babies to make sure they all have good heartbeats, but yesterday we got to go to the clinic (that's right...I took a wheelchair ride to the other side of the hospital. In my jammies. Like a boss.) and look more closely at all of them. It took almost 2 hours, but we got to see and measure all of their little body parts, look at their fluid levels, and get an estimated weight on each of them. We also looked at Lena's blood flow, and she continues to be "intermittent absent" - meaning every once in a while the blood just stops flowing through her placenta, which sounds really scary, but they assure me isn't the worst it could be and we're okay for now. It's not great, and it's part of the reason she's so tiny, but until it becomes persistently absent or reverse, we're okay. I know so many of you are already praying so faithfully for her, but if you would continue to do so, specifically for her blood flow and growth, we would be so grateful. I mentioned it in one of my Facebook posts this weekend, but the babies have to be over a pound to have a chance at survival outside of the womb. Mavis and Amos have both gained 2 oz since we got here on Friday and are sitting at 1.5. Oliver didn't gain any, but is still at 1.3, so we'll take it. Lena, on the other hand, is only at 12 oz, so we've got some growing to do. The doctors told me on Friday that they would have liked to have seen me gain 15 more pounds at this point in my pregnancy, so they are trying to beef these babies up by putting me on a high protein diet. I'm not gonna lie...it's not my favorite thing. My belly just feels so full all the time as it is, so eating every 2 hours isn't super fun, but I will absolutely do it if it helps these tiny cats grow!
As far as my health goes, I'm doing okay. I've had some really good, easy days since I've been here, and I've had some not great, hard days too. Today is one of those hard days. I woke up at 5:00am shivering uncontrollably and achy and vomiting and we couldn't get it under control for several hours. At which point the IV girls came in to switch my IV location (I'm not attached to anything, but they have to keep a line in all the time in case of an emergency), and I immediately started throwing up again and those sweet ladies had to hold my hair back and wipe my face for me. Which all happened before they could even get the needle out of their cart. Oh, I'm a dream patient today. Luckily everyone has been so kind and no one has been outwardly mad at me for being so needy. Bless them. The doctors aren't super concerned that anything is wrong (honestly it feels more like the flu than anything pregnancy-related), but are keeping an eye on it just in case. Preeclampsia is their biggest concern with my health, and those symptoms aren't typical for that, but they are being very cautious anyway and not making me feel like a big ol baby for being so whiny today.
Other than that, I'm doing mostly okay. I'm pretty uncomfortable all the time at this point, which is to be expected. They told me that the 30 pounds I've gained is all baby and baby accouterments, so it's all hanging out right in my belly. Hooray for not being super fat everywhere, but good grief that's a lot of weight for one area of my body! If I lay still too long, all the things start to hurt and I have to heave my giant body to a different position. It's pretty glamorous. I'm also really tired all the time, but am not sleeping great at night, which, again, is totally normal and expected. It just means I cry more because, you know, crazy pregnancy hormones plus exhaustion is a recipe for disaster.
Nick and I have learned SO much about what to expect, both for the duration of the pregnancy and the babies' NICU stay, but I'm falling asleep typing this, so perhaps I'll save that for another day. Did I mention I'm so sleepy all the time?
Haha! Just kidding!! As I was typing that I was falling asleep, my nurse came in to tell me that I'm getting a new, bigger room, and a sweet girl from my church's hospital care team came to visit. See? WILD! Poor Carolyn (the nurse who I've not had yet before today and has now had to take care of my vomiting, whiny, achy self AND has had to move all my junk to a new room...pretty sure she's going to request to NEVER have me again!) is just about done with the move, so I'd better call it a day and get this posted before my big jaunt down the hall.
Thank you all so, SO much for your continued love and support. We are just overwhelmed and beyond grateful.
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